everyday mind wanderings and confessions of maria ondonesa limlunay manununda maladaw

Thursday, February 23, 2012

Contact lenses

a man's eyes
are pasted on a woman's breast
that follows the curves
down to the hemlines
contact lenses are restless
magnetized by the woman
with the power of the young
voluptuous figures
candid innocence
wild attractions
raw nonsense
fresh sensibilities
tipsy temperaments
cigarette scents
revolting pheromones
sexual advances
can only be lies
bitter truth
but lies
bitter lies
but truth

Empty shell

i felt a sudden
emptiness
in my womb
my shadow self
has awakened
it revealed to me
my emptiness
dictated of being a woman
for not having born
a child
like a dead dry shell
empty of life

Frida's cremated canvass

(a tribute to a great woman artist, Frida Kahlo)
dedicated to the bridge Frida calls LOVE

according to Diego
pain on Frida’s agonized poetry on canvass
is “acid and tender
as hard as steel
refined as butterfly wings”

sharp as wild cactus
lovable as a smile
as radical as a communist
as passionate as her husband
cruel as the bitterness of life

no love can die
even fueled by disloyalty
raged by a vengeful temperament
a woman’s soul
casted by her will find her own self
made a crippled walk out of a wheelchair
made love to a woman
consumed tequila to win
a grand repertoire of an erotic tango
that can grab a lover home
never to leave less
of a
comrade, a fellow artist, a best friend
but will never be her husband

women after naked women
shall be reborn on a canvass
for as long a Diego is alive
portraits of agony are glorified

what makes lovers endure
endless infidelities
when a fuck is just like a handshake
and cutting a finger nail

it is no longer a fearsome sight
to die in pain on her
favorite heirloom bed beside her panzon
till the canvass on fire
purify Frida and her dreams
and so her ashes shall join
the earth and the rivers
changing its form
again and again
and so she exists
lifetime after lifetime

Friday, February 17, 2012

Salsa colada politica y cultura

Puerto Rico
In your shores
You welcomed people of all colors
Young and old, black, brown, de color, Moreno, mulato, prieto, indio, negrito, blanco and mocha
Mixed like your famous original piña colada
Laced by your magical landscapes of many hues of green and blue
I fell in love, with your natural beauty, white sand beaches and to your people too
It’s not only about the salsa hips, but the warmth and community in the streets
I feel the solidarity of all colors, the love and passion in the tropical heat

I learned from your history
That you like to live in a four story house
A room for Africans, Spanish, other Europeans, and North Americans
But then an attic is added, for our dear Dominicans
A metaphor of your ancestry that amused me
Maybe not as complicated as your reality
How migration and slavery fertilized your soil
From the blood spilt by Columbus until the conquest of Spain
How can your people survived, war, slavery, invasion, disease
Wiped out by a foreign disease, how many lived and died
Only the colors of the skin survived
It is now a living legacy that will tell us your ancestry

I see masks of the past and many different masks we wear today
Like the Old San Juan of affluence and beauty
Captivated my soul for its colors, architecture and panorama
Though haunting of the bitter sweet embrace of the past and now love affair with America
Where a Spanish armada made you a stockpile of cannons
And a little stop over for siesta
Sold for a few thousand silvers, you become an object of America

How can busy streets felt like a ghost town of tourists
I heard people are no longer able to afford to live in such places
Where they used to have open barbeques and open doors
For people walking the streets and you know all your neighbors
Now a law defeated them from living in their own houses
Lined up is a sad picture of signature stores that has nothing to do with Puerto Rico
Shall you live for more strangers to drive you away from your living spaces
But I cannot go away empty of happy memories
The sensual memory of tres leches and mofonggo
Are those times I got pregnant with experiences a new

But I heard you have been confused
Some people think you have sold yourself for a cheap price
Maybe too much chicaito some people lost their consciousness
What happens when memories fade away?
What happens when the island is weak but obey?
What happens when people wants independence but ‘nada’ say
What happens when you are no longer America , let’s see
Are you ready, to be free?
Shall we dance some more salsa to drive away colonial clichés
Shall we hop to bomba till we get rid of political foreplay
Shall we dig into Macha Colon or listen to the regaeton ‘till we are back to reality

Why are there people having cha-cha with police in your streets?
I was amazed by your young activists, students and artists
They are grown ups faster than the generation ahead of them
How fearless and now stands on their own
Is this the blood of Puerto Rican, Buricua in spirit
That shall rejoice multi-race identity between two flags with merit?
Shall you shout Long live PRUSA?

Oh rich land of a thousand blessings
Revered as the sparkling Spanish virgin islands
you make people stay for it is hard to go away
Enchanted forest listen to the long lost voice of your Tahino people
I shall come closer to listen, learn and in your arms shall I cradle

I heard your people speak in many voices
Language so sweet, but have no use for mascarera Deborah Hunt
For she lets the masks speak loud for freedom
Did you see her in the street or store windows?
She never stops to create so women have a voice against violence
In her masks all archetypes come alive from the mystic to detective
Madwoman, anxious, comic, shamanic then she is healed
With mask work she reminds us “better to be big so the other person can see it”

I am speechless, when I found a haven in Ponce where colors blends with garden and sky
Only a man with a superfluous visions and a mind advance of his time
Shall speak in lines, colors, texts, sculpture, steels, concretes and stones
Inanimate things come alive for they become extensions of his soul
Survived and reincarnated from the ashes of his own creations
Renewed his spirits and used the past as his new narrative
But he has words written in sumptuous poetry that tells about his family, childhood and memories
A metamorphosis of all mediums that gave us all kinds of perspective of art forms
He is never finished and starts on a new series of political statements
“when is a sketch a final drawing, when is a drawing a sketch”
The tireless Antonio Martorell speaks of “drawings as narration without the words”

One afternoon we met Maricha Perez and the Jovenes de ’98 for a quick exchange of ideas as starter
A youth-based street theater inspired by Theater of the oppressed practicioner
Boal games are never old fashioned with a few more twists and additions
Together we created powerful images and gained a new sense of connections

Then little puppets emerged from the sea of manual animation
Shows original works of Teatro y no habia luz
That has combined clowns, masks, music, film, animation and puppets
A room of young people gave us the experience of how objects are manipulated
According to Julio, there are three things that can give life to an object
Have a relationship with the object, learn manipulation and transformation of the object
Then theater is born from a wooden stick
It told the story of birth, childhood, teen-age and adult life, old age
How easy, crazy and funny we all tried tested and think of the unfamiliar, unusual and out of the box
Aside from rain and sun, i did more than fun like eat in the streets and smelled the markets
I guess it all makes sense that we paid our way to live in a posh hotel
Swing in hammocks and lie in the sun in between beach volleyballs
Tested our comfort zones as we have both worlds
Of fantasy and reality

Oh adios Puerto Rico mi amor
I shall long to be back in your shores
With a friend, a lover or a stranger
I shall let this memory grow in my heart
As I continue to dance salsa and lost myself in your street beat
Until the next time I see you again, we remain familiar, dear and sweet.

Prison

When I entered your door
I thought you were hardcore
But when I look at you
It is not true
I saw eyes more free than mine
I hear a mind seasoned serving your time
I feel compassion for giving a moment to the victims of the crime
I feel freedom in the words you spoke about justice, equality and Divine
I see hope when the man is willing to change
I see light by the end of the tunnel not shame
I see love when families and communities come and show care
I see change when you put ideas into action, my fear disappear
I learned you are not so different from me
I know freedom is a luxury with a huge price to pay
Outside your walls, life is not free, in everything I need to pay
I hear you when you speak the words of the free

love is terrible

love is terrible
love is
expensive phonebills
passionate stiff necks
imaginary kisses
an adrenalin rush
a sensational decision
outlandish fears
boundless sensitivities
paralyzing sleepless nights
agonizing expectations
a doubtful mother-in-law
dangerous insecurities
an intrusive intimacy
a suffocating individuality
budgetary restrictions
a spontaneous explosion
a gratifying garbage
an emotional devil
a delicious poison

a painful truth
a selfless death
a constant passionate argument
an enduring deep friendship
a seasoned spiritual love
a self-evaluating journey
the mirror of one’s soul
a life-giving drama
love is
love

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Tenzing

in his Tibetan prayer chants
reinvented the treehouse energy
extending the ancient Tibetan
tradition
handed down by the great minds
for
more than 2000 years of devotion
brought with him a gift of
compassion
a gentle soul crowned with long
fluffy black hair that reminds me
of a Mongol emperor
in his eyes a falcon spirit
come alive
gifted with throat of a
thousand melodies
coming from a diverse religion
in a Buddhist community
where as a child
became a friend
of the tallest mountain that
paints itself the great confluence
of the moonrise and a sunset
in the Darjeeling sky

a man in exile
from the lineage of the
Rempoches
has set foot in the island
born of fire
to reaffirm the connection
of man and the Divine

Saturday, January 12, 2008

soni's bus stop

The snow has arrived

The package for a lover

Has to stay

In the land of snow

In honor of the white magical rain

Shall the bus find my way home

Longing for a love

Nailed to a man's military training

Cold and subhuman

Where one just need a memory of a fish

To survive a cold winter

In a prison of no emotion

The snow has finished another season

When love demands certain sacrifices

Change of nationality

And change of passport

To win the sympathy

Of a new family

How much a woman

Shall sacrifice

To a great love

A story so bitter and sweet

A love so deep

The bus has arrived

It's the season to love

To loose a package

To win new friends

To see snowfall

To find my way home

Snow flower (Nun kut)

I see my first snow mountain
In a fairy tale morning
Just like back to Narnia
Driving through the highway of snow flowers
Trees of the winter land
Melted my heart
After an early morning honey ginger sip
How can I ever forget this ride
With violin music on my side

Now winter is no longer a strange thing
Just like in books or movies
When I touched the white earth blanket
As I sat watching the snowfall
Like flying angel flakes
By the glass window
Melts in my hand
For it belongs to the sky

In the land of the cold
Orange sunset was hard to catch
Hiding behind trees
Then for a second
The magic moment
Revealed a perfect catch
The sky poured its blessings to the land

Overlooking the Yeongju lake (ho)
My hands are frozen with a snow fight
A hundreds of years old game
Makes my adrenalin rush
By the snow topped rock (ak) mountain (san)
Alongside the frozen river

I am no longer a stranger
To a land of winter
Christmas full with silver moon
where I have real people
And real friends
Keeping me warm

I shall never forget
That you made feel loved
That you drive me through frozen lakes and white highways
That you made me taste oding, mandu, chike, chapsi, bibimpap
How can I ever say thank you
With all these sweet memory in your land

My memory frozen like the crystal river
I keep sacred
I shall treasure the deep travel
We shared
In this journey
Back to our roots
Where there are no boundaries
And no borders

nami magic

In this dreamlike island
Of lovers and golden trees
Makes my heart grow flowers in winter
Where ground turns red
And leaves turn yellow
Beautiful minds of people
Rekindle my own passion
Marked my new birth
To a country I now find my new home

I leave with a renewed spirit
I painted all your dreams
In my life's canvass
For you are the hands
That make life's picture magical

But all these efforts shall die in winter
If we cannot live what we say
If we cannot walk our talk
If we stop believing in our dreams
I send you the fire in my heart
So winters will remind you
Of our being together

fat, bald and ugly

if love makes you write
then maybe its a good thing
wanting so much
you might as well get it
how easy for you to love
but i don't want to be bald, fat and ugly
i want to be happy

distance

i am overwhelmed with many things around me
wanting to do so much in one lifetime
i want to give more time for love
i do not doubt your love
i wish you can share my life
my island has nourished me again with so much good sunsets and sunrises
my life here is so colourful and wonderful
i enjoyed my friends visiting coming and going
in and out of the waterfalls, coral reefs, cold and hot springs
this is how i can live my solitary life in the island
it makes me survive day by day
i wish you can nourish me more with your letters, thoughts
i need to feel your love
maybe you can practice writing more letters...
but im worried i cant even hold your hand

Monday, June 04, 2007

thank you betsy

you do not know
how much it meant to me
for keeping me in your roof
and tucking me in your bed
you do not know
how much it healed me
for showing me your heleconias
for showing me the cosmos
and for making me feel beautiful
you do not know
how much it made me feel loved
when you love me in my darkest hour
when you trusted me as an old friend
when you showed me
how to fully give and love
you do not know
how it strengthened me
to see your courage and self determintation
that made me hope
for a healthier lifetime
after lifetime
i can only love you more
and wish i can give you
my breathe of life
and love of colours
to heal you completely
god is the only space between us
beauty surrounds us
then life is worth living
for i have known
wonderful souls and spirits
like you
thank you

sacred ritual

in the intricate
magnificent web of circumstances
the rose stay in the center
as the great experiencer
that can never stop dreaming
weaving,
untangling,
creating,
knotting,
connecting,
recreating,
defining,
emerging,
designing,
activating,
all sorts of sensations
perceptions,
aspirations, and
doubts,
misconceptions
to learn and relearn
the art of
purifying oneself
my life
is a
sacred ritual

understanding my wounds

in my little corner
my spirit is blocked
by incoherence
of the uncertainties
my life created a void
black holes of suppressed energies
something is dying
inside me
soon i have to mourn
and let go
of dead cells
bury my shadows
mount my mask
in the portrait of the past

my soul is tired
weary and lost
i feel numb, indifferent,
irritable
the fire is fading
i am over flooded by
many tasks and expectations
but despite these all
life is kinder
nurturing and challenging
life is good
the pains bring me back
the pulse
to live

the inner child

insecure…
naïve…
distant…
guilt…
cold..
as a child
i am a sensitive observer but quiet
in my shyness i kept my little secret
i am not aware of anger, regrets
nor indifference then
in time a confused guilt grew
my young reason does not know
of my prejudice
and was restricted
to dress in exuberance
which often is a non-verbal language
of an innocent child
i lost the spontaneity and candidness
which connects the child
with the dragonflies
the space was wide
and open spaces
welcoming
as i chase the flight
of grasshoppers
armed with a slipper in one hand
i hop from one place to the other
to catch a green hopper
i come to realize
it was a way of the universe
communicating with a child like me
that childhood
was a way to open one’s heart
to the joy and enchantment of the world around
it is the spirit
that free the mind
with the power of
innocence

Affirmations

the life i play
is god’s play
a game with no conditions
a relationship
of no expectations
as graceful as a butterfly dance
as colourful as the rainbow
as succulent as the morning dew
as giving as the waterfalls
as passionate as the sun
my beloved sits with me in silence
walks with me up the mountain
embraces me from sunrise
to sunset
whispers in the wind and
in the trickles of rain

i am safe where i am
everything is bound to change
i come lifetime after lifetime
this life is not meant to be ordinary
i walked the path
as i choose to manifest
my highest potential
here and how
my purpose of taking
yet another body
is to free the soul
so i can taste all textures of life
for this existence
is about the mastery
of the great celestial arts
i am born again in a body
to honor my being
the great manifestation of the divine plan
the miracle of god
in the making of a gift
to life…

Divine Ritual

one day i come to face myself again
i am bound for a journey
within and without
the gatherer of experiences
that are woven in god’s wisdom
i can only manifest my real purpose
if i learn to truly love myself

my needs are no longer valid, for an adult is such a child in many ways… when i grow up i want to be a child….

i am unlimited in my senses
where i can truly experience
the divine
in the most ordinary circumstances

reltionships come as god’s camouflage, to bring out my spiritual child…

only in my most silent moment i find god in the sacred circle where no one can enter…

god speaks to me in all kinds of languages… i am god’s channel to extend love and creativity to discover one’s true self… the beloved moves around life’s playground in a dance… beyond circumstances…

Godlight

oh great child of the wild
explorer of the mounds of the earth
a toy of the sea
visitor of the forest
spectator of the sunrise
dragonfly catcher
rise to your feet
gather your roots
collect your inner strength
walk deep to your dreams
hold the desires of your heart
offer it to the first day light
for the power of Godlight
shall purify your life
as god manifests its powers
in everyday chores
so the shadow shall carry with it
fears and convulsions and
deep rooted addictions
i am a friend of my female shadow
as i begin to slowly appreciate
to restore sweetness and gentleness
warmth and gracefulness
i become the playmate of my male shadow
as i slowly bring out
the wise warrior
that carried with it the amulet
of determination and courage
to face
the darkest fears and disenchantments
it shall keep the focus of my life
and bring me back to the lap of the beloved
the eclipse of the shadow
shall guide me to the path
chosen by the deities
protected by the goddesses