specACTOR of disaster

i am cradled in the womb of disaster

as we build new homes for people 

as we invent games for the traumatized children 

as we gather the pieces back of our shattered dreams

as we re align the cruel consequences 
of living next to the water

with earthquake sink holes and raised seashores 

with flattened houses and mass graveyards 
with debilitating thick blood of war of religion
with orphaned children and violated skin colors
with increasing roofless refugees 
with the uncontrolled viral outbreak of ebola

I am also reinforcing my own inner infrastructure

as disturbing melodrama of my own personal storm

browsing the virtual universe of the online community
keeps me updated with news of human failures 

and the lessons of dysfunctional families 
emotional debris of tragic disasters

how compromising and demanding to be human...

at times i feel defeated by the characters 

who plays antagonist and revolves around me

though from a distance i am enriching my life

with experience as active spectactor of life

these characters are novelty classic personas 

i am likewise numbed as I co-exist 
with the rest of the pained and left behind

multi tasking for my multi-facted projects 
saves my sanity

with such responsibility 
I accepted with a sense of sacrifice

a constant surrender to life

as my body drowns to sleep
anxiety and panic disintegrate to the altered state 

it saves me from the death of reason

I crave for the mundane in times of solitude
the human flesh desire intimacy

driven by the passionate impulse 
to feel secure and loved

in a relationship, in a family, in a community

I feel life's pleasures are too fragile to drag along  

but worth all the efforts and pains of longing, 
is living, loving and learning enough

i am certified hopeless romantic
officially turned cold in the torture of the other

my poetry cuts though the bile that saves me 
from insanity and seasonal affective disorder attack 

my first aid and antidote for my existence 

my life's journey is both absurd and melodramatic

my family is a full house with characters of all kinds of archetypes
a talented self-depreciating ex-alcoholic dependent deceased Alpha male 

a martyr codependent victim in self-denial and in constant lies matron
a practical self-driven distant non-emotional rational genius brother
an abusive dependent trouble maker self-destructive brother

an insecure multi-task creative wandering middle child
a trying-hard self-depreciating aggressive and melodramatic sister

a hit-and-miss impulsive hard headed humorous immature sibling
it is a rich texture of the surreal imperfections and karmic settlements 
i have got familiar with the comic relief of absurdities and dysfunctions
we are all part of a whole karmic healing dance
life is a complete workshop

my mid life crisis is preoccupied 

by the melodramatic fears of losing and joys of owning 

I am rather interested with the details of all these complexities 
that gives me a reason for living

and a life to die for and love for...

In my travel, i gather all textures, 
all colors, flavors, feelings and adventures

I am a curious spectator of life's wins and adversaries 

and as a self-contained lunatic 
that have witnessed the low and high tides of existence

somehow the push and pull of circumstances 
pumps blood to my heart

then reminds me that life is about living 

and doing what you do best

then I think about love... 

i become invisible and endangered...